Families Supporting Adoption: Why everyone should be a foster parent

Tim and Heidi Naylor of the UT American Fork FSA Chapter became unlikely foster parents in 2007. In the past five years they have fostered many children who returned to their homes, and have adopted six through the foster system. Heidi was the 2011 western region Foster Mother of the year. They both currently serve on the FSA National Board and Heidi also serves on the board of Friends of Foster Care, which raises funds for Foster children in Utah.

First I have to say that Heidi and I were pretty sure that foster parenting wasn't for us. Heidi was a substance abuse counselor for years and worked with lots of people who lost their children to the state. There was no way that we were going to deal with those kind of people in our private lives too. We are crazy enough people on our own, we don't need any extra drama in our lives.

We also were of the thought, "I don't use drugs, so any child I was able to create on my own would not be drug effected. Why should I settle for adopting a drug effected child?" or "Those kids have a ton of baggage that I don't want to deal with!" or "They could have been sexually abused. I can't have them around my kids!" or "Someone else would be better equipped to deal with them than I would." These are the kind of things I thought before we discovered what we have now learned.

Being a foster parent is hard work:

• It is unpredictable.?
• You don't have the luxury of controlling the things they have been taught.
• They may be sexually reactive, even if no one knows that until you report it.
• They may horde food (cheese sticks that have been under a mattress for months are nasty!!!).
• They might not have good personal hygiene.
• They might have irrational fears (like: police, closets, or their own bed).
• You will know more than the caseworker about these kids after one week in your home.

That being said, it is the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life!

• You still get to teach them the things you would have taught them.
• You get to help them find peace and overcome their past.
• You get to be the people they trust to meet their needs.
• You get to help them care about themselves.
• You get to share (and in some cases learn) the value of things like police officers.
• You get to know them for real and be an advocate for them.

Ok, even if you never, ever have a child come into your home from foster care, you can benefit from signing up to be a foster parent. You will attend a number of hours of training (this varies by state), in which you learn more about child development, shepherding children along the desired path (instead of driving them with a cattle prod), and meeting their needs. This training is the school about how to raise kids that you never new about. We all talk about how kids don't come with a manual. This is it. Fabulous!!!

As if that weren't enough, you get to continue getting training. In fact, it is required. You get to keep learning how to be an even better parent. If you don't need classes in that, can you come teach some classes in that?

Once you do become a foster parent, you get to meet all kinds of other foster parents - people who are going through the exact same things you are. It is absolutely amazing to pick up the phone and call one of your friends to describe a crazy situation and have them absolutely understand. It's even better when they dealt with it last week and can tell you their experience about what worked and what didn't.? Finally, you have within your tools a great organization of therapists and clinicians who can help you out. So even if you already have kids, this is a great way to become a better parent to them, and to broaden their experience and understanding.

The most important reason to become a foster parent, though, is because there are kids out there who need us. They need to know what it is like to live in a family that takes care of them. They need to feel love - real, heartfelt, honest love. We have that love in our hearts. It aches to send them home sometimes, but it only aches because they have been loved. Some day 20 years from now, they will be in a relationship with someone, trying to make a "family" work, and they will recall what it felt like to be in your home. They may not attribute it to you, they may not even remember that it was you, but they will remember what it feels like to have been really loved! In that instant, you have not helped one child, but generations of children to come, because all of them will feel a portion of your love that has grown, with interest.

You see, we are all foster children. Our Heavenly Father has placed us in foster families so that we can learn, some good, some not as good. His love pours down on us every day. Should we not share that infinite love with our brothers and sisters, especially those who have not felt it because of circumstances beyond their control?

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